10 Signs You Should Invest In A Witch

Jan 12, 2017 | Books, Complicated Blue, Fiction

This advice will only apply to you if you no longer inhabit the world of the living.

In other words, 10 signs that you are possibly deceased, according to the ground rules of my latest novel.

In Complicated Blue I use the premise that the dead need a witch to sort them out.

In the book the un-living are known as Shades.

Are you dead or alive?

Let’s dive in and find out.

1. You don’t have a pulse.

A heartbeat is a useful thing to have.

For most people this would seem obvious, but if you’re dead you may not know it.

It always pays to check.

2. Nobody recognises you.

In Complicated Blue, shades are coated in a form of camouflage to disguise them from the living.

Otherwise the dead would be plain for all to see and that would not do.

Shade are free to roam the planet, didn’t you know?

You might be standing next to one right now.

3. You don’t have a shadow.

In the novel another identifying feature of shades is that they are essentially that, a shadow of their former selves.

Therefore, if you already are a shadow, it makes it impossible for you to have one.

I thought it made sense.

This was a premise put forward by my six-year-old daughter, who was actually four at the time. Dead people don’t have shadows. When I asked her why, she told me it was because they were lying down.

All pretty logical really. But why is she so preoccupied with death?

4. You can’t remember your name or how you got to where you presently are.

This affliction is not reserved exclusively for shades, but if you have been deceased for an extended period of time, you tend to forget your time as one of the living.

It could be that you are extremely inebriated, have suffered some form of head injury or ingested the wrong potion.

In which case it is always advisable to refer to sign #1.

5. You don’t feel…anything.

For some of us this is a peculiar character trait, for others, try pinching yourself.

6. You have no desire to eat.

This all depends on your dietary requirements.

It could be that you have just finished an especially scrumptious meal.

Paying attention to when you have last eaten will usually give you a clue as to what is considered normal.

Most humans require at least one decent meal per day.

7. You are never out of breath.

Breathing requires the intake of air.

If your lungs are dormant you will have little use for the stuff.

Try jogging on the spot and seeing if that has an effect.

If you can run a marathon and not feel any side-effects then you either have amazing stamina or you are you-know-what.

8. Nobody can hear you speak.

The dead have a problem communicating with the living.

In fact, they have a serious problem communicating with anything.

This is one of the main reasons they need a witch.

Don’t bother yelling, it won’t help.

9. You lack purpose.

Everyone has a special skill, it doesn’t matter who you are.

Most people have enough time, during a lifetime, to find out what this skill is and do something with it.

Unfortunately, some people never work out their purpose in life. They are then required to achieve this in death.

This is the most important reason we have witches. They are there to guide the dead.

There is no hell. There is only unfinished business.

10. The only people who respond to you are small children.

You’re in luck! You have met Anaïs Blue.

If you’re very fortunate she’ll help you out. She is quite choosy about who she takes on so give her a little slack.

Begging sometimes helps.

Who else are you going to talk to anyway? And what have you got to lose?

You’re dead.

If you’re confused by this entire list it does not necessarily mean you have entered the world of shadows.

You may be one of the living and need enlightening in regards to the real truth about witches.

Reading Complicated Blue will provide most of the information you are missing.

Purchase a copy of it in e-book, paperback or hardcover today and take advantage of the knowledge provided before it’s too late.

Even if you’re dead there’s still hope. Don’t give up. All you need is a witch.

Can you think any other signs of life which are missing from this list?

 

Leave a comment below or sign up to my exclusive readers mailing list and let me know.

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