Never Lose Sight Of The Big Picture
I just discovered this stream of consciousness. I wrote it a few months ago. Sometimes, its good to have this kind of thing to put it all into perspective.
Lack of a view of the big picture happens to be one of the biggest battles with writing professionally.
The developments are slow and you are not always aware of your progress. Everything occurs in baby steps.
This piece of writing helped me take stock of where I am.
Holidays always come to an end. It’s not nice.
As a child I would weep when it happened. I don’t know why. I suppose it was the realisation that the fun was over and it was time to get serious.
It may also have had to do with the fact that I would be forced to stay in one place and was no longer free to roam. Essentially the adventure was over and life would have to revert to normality.
I like change.
I like it when things are unpredictable. I like not knowing what’s around the corner.
I could never work a nine-to-five job. It’s not me. I need to be challenged. I am sure there are also challenges in a day job but the thought of doing it just doesn’t rock my world.
This morning a sudden sadness swept over me.
It dawned on me that I was back. The vacation was over and I would have to go back to work.
The big difference was that I no longer have a job to go to.
Even worse was the fact that I would have to face the unemployment office and explain to them what I have been doing for the past three months. Have I been looking for work?
A picture of another big picture, the Night Watch by Rembrandt as depicted on display in the Trippenhuis. (August Lemberg, 1885)
I have been making work. Actually I haven’t stopped working.
I have only just begun.
But, what do I tell the unemployment office? Will they understand?
I have been working with an outplacement bureau, trying to uncover what it is that I should be doing. I am convinced that I know what that is. I just don’t know how to make a living doing it.
I don’t know how to bring it all together. I need a master plan. I need to put something down in black and white so I know where I’m heading. I feel a bit like a headless chicken. I feel like I have to answer to someone.
Most of all I have to answer to myself. I also don’t feel that I have a lot to show for all the effort.
Going from scratch a few months ago I now have almost 500 people following me on twitter.
My work has been read at least 1000 times on Wattpad.
I am socially active. It’s all very time consuming and I don’t feel I have achieved anywhere near the numbers that others have. What is that really worth anyway?
Leverage I suppose.
It means that I am getting noticed. Not on a Tom Cruise scale, but there are people out there who know who I am and that I am active as an artist.
The next step is to sell my work. That has always been a difficult thing for me. Possibly it stems from my upbringing.
I have a lower middle class background.
I have fought against this attitude my entire life.
I still am.
This morning I have to face it again. I have to convince someone that my art is worth something.
I have to convince them that I can live off the proceeds that it raises.
And, of course, I have to keep convincing myself.
Note to self: Go out and raise something. You can do it!
In the few short months since I wrote this I have made steady progress.
My online followers have increased. Wattpad readers have now read Loreless more than 10,000 times. I have written a first draft of a new book and am nearly finished editing it. Loreless is nearly ready for publication.
It’s all slowly coming together.
The progress doesn’t matter.
Most of all, what really matters is I’m convinced I am still on the right path.
Do you also have to give your creativity a pep talk?
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